AN AMIRACAN STORY » Notable Quotables

Chihuahua Style

Amira — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 23:10:51 +0000

My rather sheltered 11-year-old sister came home from school (she walks home since the school is right there) and this is the conversation that ensued:

11-year-old sister: OH MY GOSH! I need to tell you something!

Me: Okay.

11 yo sister: Okay, I was walking home and I saw the two dogs from a few weeks ago (she saw this dog duo that occasionally makes their way through the neighborhood– a small chihuahua and a bigger “really puffy” one, in her words) on the other side of the street.

She’s afraid of dogs and so I thought this story was going to be hilarious. One skinny, awkward preteen against a chihuahua and “really puffy” dog.

Me: Did they chase you?

11yo sister: No.

Me: Oh, well that’s good. Because you shouldn’t —

11yo sister: I know this is inappropriate, but they were doing something.

Me: What? What are you talking about?

11yo sister: I didn’t mean to look, but it just happened!

Me: What are you talking about?

11yo sister: *deep breath in* I saw them across the street. One second they were just standing there, but then they started…*turns away from Aiman and in a low whisper* MATING.

Me:…

This wasn’t so bad. What followed next? That sort of crossed the line.

11yo sister: The chihuahua leaped on top of the puffy one’s back while it was sitting down and started MATING IT.

Me: Boo, it’s okay, it’s called –

11yo sister: THEN! The puffy one got up while the chihuahua was still on it’s back, but now the chihuahua was dangling off the puffy one’s butt *suddenly stopped*

Me: Still mating it?

11yo sister: *nods head, silence* WHILE IN THE AIR.

Me: Oh snap, that IS inappropriate.

I don't think the puffy dog wanted ANY of this.

Aiman Says

Amira — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 21:16:02 +0000

“Here ya go” I handed Aiman two cookies.

“Oh! Thank you mom!!”

We sat on the couch together, watching yet another episode of She-who-shall-never-ever-be-named (Dora).

He observed the cookies for a while before looking up at me to ask if I wanted one.

“Mom, do you want one cookie?”

“Oh, sure, I’ll take one. Thank you Aiman”

I reached for it, but he retracted his hand.

“Can I have it?”

I could see the internal conflict he was struggling with. He frowned as he tried to figure out what to do.

He found his solution.

“Mom, do you want one cookie?”

“Yes, babe, I do want one cookie. Can I have it?”

“No mom, you say ‘No thank you, I don’t want one cookie’”

“Uh, ok.”

“Mom, do you want one cookie?”

“No thank you, I don’t want one cookie….?”

“Okay!”

And he happily ate both. Conscience and guilt free.

Problem solved. Who knew all this time that you just had to dictate what people say to get your way. And still be polite about it.

That Warm Funny Feeling

Amira — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:24:06 +0000

Potty train is a dirty (compound?) word around here. There are aspects of parenthood that I completely dread, and potty training is tied at number one on that list, along with sleep scheduling. Co-sleeping, bottle-weaning, tantrums, being bathed in vomit–I mean, you name it and it’s been done, but none irritate my lazy bone like having to potty train. That’s right, I’m TOO LAZY to potty train Aiman, which is why he’s going to be three in December and I’ve hardly emphasized using the “big boy toilet” rather than those expensive, but convenient diapers.

On a more serious note though, Saad and I are more inclined toward child-lead weaning on certain things and this potty training business falls in that category. The way that makes the most sense and most conducive to my lazy tendencies is waiting until Aiman shows an interest in using the toilet and encouraging, but not pushing. When he’s ready and wants to leave the diaper, I imagine the process will be easier and faster for all of us. So that’s why we’ve waited. Besides, a 2 1/2 year old in diapers is totally normal to me….a 4 year old, not so much, but I don’t think it’ll get to that point.

Anyway, I gave you that ridiculously long prelude to tell you about an exchange Aiman and I had a while ago.

Sometimes I let him chill around the house with just his undies and pants on. This almost always leads to an accident somewhere at some point. And he’s super sneaky about it until he’s done and then yelps “I PEED!” as he runs around. Then I have look for the spot and it’s just a pain in the ass to clean it up, clean him up, and I curse to myself that this is such shit! And once or twice before, it truly was shit and realize the pee wasn’t so bad.

So after one too many times, I kept that butt of his tightly bound in a good old diaper.

And then I gave you that second prelude because I’m just too verbose and obviously not using preludes correctly.

About two weeks ago I thought I’d give it another try. Only this time I completely forgot to ask him if he needed to go, much less put him on the toilet, every 20 minutes or so.

I was sitting at the computer and he was on my back, wedged in between the back of the chair and my back. We were looking at some video or something together when I felt it.

Warm liquid streaming down my shirt AND INTO MY PANTS, soaking my back, shirt, pants, and underwear. I mean, that was a lot of pee.

I got so angry. At myself, but HELL, do you know how filthy it feels to have pee running down your back and into your crack?

So I was washing him up and put him in a diaper while angrily mumbling all sort of things to myself, when Aiman asked “Mom, what’s wrong?”

“I’m feel dirty and violated in a new and unexpected way. Mom doesn’t like the pee all over her back and pants.”

I continued with the cleaning up and strapping on of his diaper.

Then, in the sincerest way, he said “Mom, I’m so sorry I peed on your back.”

Gah, oh man. Sweet child of mine, there’s no need to apologize.

So I made him feel bad, obviously, thus solidifying my worst mother of the year award.

To compensate, I apologized and gave him a lollipop and we were cool again.

But after that moment, whenever someone pisses me off I’ve been thinking “Hell, I’m going to pee on your back, AND I SURE DO HOPE IT GOES DOWN YOUR CRACK.”

Out of the Mouth of My Babe

Amira — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 16:43:39 +0000

If you’ve ever rolled your eyeball to your right of this text area, you may have noticed the categories section, one of them being “notable quotables.” It’s been one desolate category for quite some time, mainly because Elham and our young cousins who used to say the wackiest things are older and less wacky in what they say and Aiman wasn’t old enough to put sentences together. (And I honestly totally forgot that category even existed.)

But that’s all in the past as Aiman is more verbal. Elham says some funky things too, occasionally, but some of the things coming out of Aiman’s mouth have genuinely made me chuckle or be all WTF?

And now I’m going to share some of it with you! I’m sure I’m much more excited about this than anyone else, but hey it’s a category and it needs to be filled with new posts, so looks like you just might have to deal.

Unless you love hearing what kinds of things come out of a 2-4 year old’s mouth too. It’s sort of like a peek into how they process their world, and it’s just plain funny at times.

Oh and the category is not exclusively by kids, because my goodness, have Saad and some of my friends said some really weird and hilarious things, but so far it’s been mostly out of the mouth of babes. Basically it’ll be from anywhere or anyone I come across.

And now for some direct quotes.

*****

“Potty training” has progressed this far:

Aiman: “Mama! I poo-pooed chocolate!

*grunt, grunt*

And a moment later, “Ewh, more chocolate!”

(To his credit though, it did vaguely resemble something like horribly expired fudge. But what I really want to know is HOW does he know what kind of poop he pooped. So many questions, really.)

******

Aiman: “Mama, snack? Please give me snack.”

He couldn’t have asked at a better time; I had just baked my first batch of banana muffins and they weren’t burnt or off-flavored which would normally be the case with anything I bake. They were so perfectly done and beautiful.

Me: “Look baby, I made muffins!

“You can have this one!” I said, offering him the prettiest of them all.

Aiman: “No, it’s ugly.”

And then he walks off.

My ego was as bruised as the three bananas I used to make those GORGEOUS muffins.

And what’s worse? He didn’t even TRY IT to not like it; he judged it solely on it’s appearance.

So harsh.

Note: Yesterday he requested quesadillas for lunch and I made him his favorite kind. I handed him his plate as he sat down. He took one look at it and exclaimed “Whoa! Mom, IT’S PERFECT!!”

Totally made up for the muffin comment.

Do you have any or are around kids to catch the silly things they say? Share it!

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Amira — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:25:53 +0000

Short and sweet conversations with the cousins.

Cast:

Adnan -4 years old. Well I think he’s 4. He could be 3. Don’t say anything, I’m usually good with remembering such things.

Najat-now 8ish (I think) but at the time of the conversation she was about 5 or so. Again, I think (kidding!)

_________________

Last night while his mom was making desert, I tried to distract Adnan with a series of questions and this is what ensued.

Amira: “Adnan, what superheroes are on your PJ’s? Can you name them for me?”

Adnan: “Superheroes? Ok, yes, this one is Spiderman. This one is I-ran Man (Iron Man). This one is Hulkman.”

Amira: “Oh do you mean The Hulk?”

Adnan: “No. I mean Hulkman.” (walks away)

I stand corrected. And sort of dissed, actually.

_________________

This was a conversation between Najat and Elham (my sister) a few years ago. Eavesdropping on children is fun by the way.

Najat: “Do you know what happened?”

Elham: “What?”

Najat: “I tried to scare someone in the closet, but no one was there.”

Elham: “So what happened?”

Najat: “Nothing. I just scared the air.”

Sensitive Shoulder

Amira — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 23:11:00 +0000

I love bothering my sister when she’s on the computer because frankly, she deserves to be bothered since she’s glued to the screen. There is life outside of the computer screen, you know who you are!

Anyway, the other night I crept up behind her and pressed against her chair and partly her upper arm, leaning in with the full weight of my body. I guess I got just a little too close and pressed a little too hard because this is what she said.

Mind you, I was purposely leaning in enough to violate her personal space.

Sister (violently): UM, GET YOUR CROTCH OFF OF MY SHOULDER!!

I guess I violated her space ..more than enough.

Me: Whoa.

Silence

Sister: Well it was on my shoulder…

Me: Um, I don’t think so, but ewh.

A few minutes later…

Me: So you understand that I have tell the internet about this, right?

Sister: I hate you.

————————————————————————————————————–

Oh and I changed/updated my About page, if you’re interested…

Actually, go over and have a looksie.

Hope you like it!

Hot Cheetos + 6 Year Old = New Toilet

Amira — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:08:22 +0000

When Elham was younger she wanted to do everything-wait, what am I talking about- she still wants to do everything Sieda and I do. You have to understand that Elham is 10 years younger than Sieda and 13 years younger than myself, so little sister can’t do everything big sisters do. But that’s not how things always play out.

Case in point: Hot Cheetos.

Once upon at time, when Elham was about 6-ish, Sieda and I had some hot cheetos (which seems so gross to me now) and Elham insisted that she have some too.

“No Elham, it’s too hot for you” we warned.

“But I want to have some; it’s not fair you and Sieda can eat whatever you want!”

“Elham, you will regret this. Just have some frozen yogurt instead.”

“NO!” she screamed as she started crying.

Stubbornness runs deep in this family.

“Fiiiiiiiine! Stop crying -here” we said as we poured her a few cheetos and waited for her reaction.

Of course she didn’t admit that they were too hot, but the sucking-air-in noise she made with every bit said it all.

Later that day we heard a loud scream come from the restroom and my mom, sister, and I rushed to see what was going on. There we find Elham crying on the toilet.

Mom: “What’s the matter, are you okay?”

Elham: “I have to push, but I can’t.” (still crying)

Mom: “Why?”

Elham: “It burns!”

—

Needless to say, we all got a good gut-bursting laugh out of that.

And we’re not vicious child abusers; we helped her and even Elham saw the hilarity in her…”struggle”.

NOT IN HIS MOUTH!

Amira — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:54:41 +0000

I was walking upstairs with Aiman in my arms when Sieda began to essentially die from a coughing fit. When hearing the thunderous coughs, Saad immediately yelped:

“AMIRA! Make sure she doesn’t cough in Aiman’s mouth!”

Now tell me, how do you respond to THAT?

On Body Parts

Amira — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 03:06:58 +0000

I was in the kitchen this afternoon when I heard Elham, my ten year old sister, say “NOSE” over and over again. When I peered around the kitchen entrance I saw her pointing to her nose everytime she said “NOSE”. This is the conversation that ensued:

Amira: “What the heck are are you doing?”

Dina: “I’m teaching Aiman his body parts.”

Then she looked like she may have said something very inappropriate and almost in a whisper, shly added “But, not the other body parts”

Amira, taken aback: “Oh. uh. Okay, that’s nice.”

I went back into the kitchen and laughed silently.

This was the moment that confirmed that Elham just might shrivel up and crawl in a hole in pure embarressment when she’s exposed to who knows what else in her upcoming pre-teen years.

You have no idea what’s waiting for ya, kiddo.