Save Your Pity

I was at a parenting seminar sort of thing this afternoon and let me tell you, I was a little nervous about going because Aiman had napped for only an hour, so I wasn’t sure how or if he was going to be cranky. Thankfully he was his chipper self the whole time so I got to enjoy the parts of the lecture I did hear.

The whole afternoon took a weird turn right at the very end when I was getting ready to leave.

You see, I put Aiman on a bench to put on his shoes and coat before stepping outside, when there was this semi-elderly woman standing nearby. When she heard Aiman’s jibberish monologue, she chuckled and walked over to us and then asked if “he was mine.” I said yes, smiled, and continued dressing Aiman.

Then she asked how old I was, to which I answered “twenty-two” and then! Then, then, then. The woman sighed heavily and shaking her head said “Oh no, you’re so young. That is unfortunate.”

[Insert really loud Scooby Doo "Huuuuuugh???"]

“Excuse me?”

“You are so young to have a baby. People do not have children young in this country.”

“Well, actually they do, but that’s a different issue. And age is not the best measure of a person’s maturity.”

Then the woman told me about how she had her son when she was 18 and that he’s 15 now, blah blah blah. I was too offended to hear much more.

Then I said that my husband and I wanted children and that we feel beyond fortunante to have Aiman in our lives.

Another lady came in and asked the woman if she could help her with something and they were gone.

I was boiling over on my way to my car because who says that sort of crap?! While buckeling Aiman into his car seat I thought that maybe she regretted having her son at 18 or maybe she didn’t have a choice back in her country or, or, or. I try to give excuses and forgive. You know, try to “see their perspective,” but just how incredibly rude of someone to say that to a mother while her child is right there with her! Especially when the person had a baby at a younger than the mother she’s speaking to.

I mean, just seriously, what the heck?

I think it bothered me so much because I hate when people think that any baby born to a “young” mother or couple, was automatically an accident or a mistake. Aiman was so deeply wanted and longed for that there isn’t a millisecond in our lives where we ever think of him in such a way. The thought never, ever crosses our minds. He was a surprise, yes, but a super delightful surprise. Plus, you can only be careless to an extent before you should expect such a “surprise.”

Another thing is that I absolutely love motherhood, even as young as I am; even with it’s hard, dirty work; even with it’s monumental pressure to not screw up a human being’s life and especially because of the innumerable things I get in return including experiencing the purest and fiercest of love.

Oh and I’m sure she feels like children chain you down, leash you for some time, from your own career or life plans, but you know what? You don’t even know how precious and absolutely magical life is until you have children. I still have my ambitions and I’m not letting motherhood be an “excuse” because if you’re determined enough, if you’re serious enough about your dreams, then there are no excuses.

I am loving this time in my life, things can always be better, but I’m very thankful for what and who I have.

So save your pity for someone who needs it.