Twilight Sucks (pun fully intended)

You know, normally I don’t critique or comment on things I don’t know much about, but this Twilight craze is just begging me to open my mouth.

I really don’t like -wait, “don’t like” isn’t accurate enough -I HATE the Twilight craze.

I’ve never read any of the books and I sure as hell won’t be watching the movies because the horrible acting, poor production, and general suckass-ness of the movies do not warrant the hype surrounding the entire “movement”.

Remember in commercials for the first movie when Bella is all “Kiss me” and Edward looks at her with googly eyes? CHEESY, TREMENDOUSLY MOLDING, PUSS OOZINGLY CHEESY!  (Ha, “puss oozing”…why am I so gross? Seriously, why do I love The Gross? I can’t talk about anything without a nasty-factor. Maybe I have issues.) There are so many other scenes equally, if not more, cheesy as that one, like the one in which the main blood sucker (Edward) walks towards Bella in the school parking lot or something? I could smell the damn cheesiness of that one through the T.V.

Am I over doing it with the “cheesy”? BECAUSE THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.

From then on my sister and I would randomly say “KISS ME” in a deep voice, because admit it, she said all manly. I know, we’re mean. But! It was a great space filler in conversations that weren’t going anywhere or for random laughs.

I know, we have issues.

So this Twilight stuff, I just can’t get into it and even the commercials make me feel uncomfortable with the overwhelming tension between the characters and drawn out drama between the chick and her vampire lover dude. Seriously, real love is NOT that excruciatingly complicated and just damn difficult.

I think my hate for the series stems from the fact that I generally don’t like anything over-hyped or obsessed about by the masses. Like Harry Potter? Little wizard man and his friends are cute and everything, but I have admittedly never read even the back SUMMARY of the books, much less the entire books.

I don’t know why, but for some things the more everyone likes it, the more I don’t.

On the same token I don’t regularly go around bashing the series either because I have friends that are hard.core.Edward. /Jacob. fans and would basically hyperventilate and pass out if I ever uttered such blasphemy. I hear out the details and watch the Edward/Jacob teams battle it out, but keep my distance for the most part because you will not suck me into that shit, oh no, you won’t.

I have one particular friend whom I love just to bits, and she knows it, but sometimes perplexes me to a level I can’t even begin to understand. She’s hilariously quirky and fun and we basically share a brain, but the woman has seen Twilight TWICE! At first I thought she said FOUR TIMES and I nearly reconsidered our friendship, but after clarification she said that it was Star Trek that she watch four times, not Twilight.

Like that justifies her insanity.

But still, TWICE?

Needless to say I was shocked and just plain amazed, actually. She’s a rare kind of human, really. But she’s that kind of quirky weird I love.

Point is, vampires have lost whatever “mysterious, dark, and cool” points they may have had since this series came out.

Anyway I’m done with this rant, until perhaps the next movie comes out and sucks the sense out of the world (again, pun fully intended).