I, the Career Hobo

Lately I’ve been running around campus getting last minute petitions and forms filled out for this department and dropping them off at that department, OH! and please don’t forget to update my standing at this office and transfer these files to that office, all in the name of graduating next May.

But it’s sort of pointless seeing as I’m nowhere near sure of what my plans are post-undergrad.

And I REALLY hate not knowing. Or even having an idea.

Lots depends on what Saad does for his graduate school and if we have to move, and where if that, so some of my questions can’t be answered until his are because we are not planning on being in two different cities, especially with Aiman. I don’t want to deal with the crappiness of that situation.

We spent five months apart last year for the two major trips he had to take without me, and did I mention I pregnant the whole time? Actually I couldn’t go because I was pregnant and in school for the semester. Anyway he came back about a week before Aiman was born and lucky him, because he would’ve been “in pain”, to put it subtly, if he missed the birth.

Phone time and emailing was very sporadic and slow because of the lack of internet connect where he was and then purchasing so many phone cards just to have decent length conversations was cutting into our budget, so we had to go without communicating with each other for more than one or two times a week.

I don’t know if you can image how much that sucked because it sucked A LOT.

Anyway, we don’t ever want to do that again and are trying to coordinate where he will be in school and what I will be in school for.

Oh yes, that’s the point of this post. What should I pursue? What should I look into? What’s a good career for my strengths and non-infringing on family time? So many questions and not nearly enough answers.

It’s probably naive of me to want to do something that I love doing, won’t make me sacrifice on my family, AND make some serious moolah! But on a serious note, whatever it is must provide a good living because I don’t ever want to be in a situation in which something happens, God forbid,  and I have to be the sole provider. Plus, I am very comfortable with my husband being the main breadwinner and I a supporting breadwinner, BUT that I make enough for us if necessary. You know what I mean?

Well the basic run down of my “career explorations” have led me to conclude that everything that I’m interested in will a) have me living out of a box or b) unsure if it’s something I can see myself doing FOREVER.  I don’t want to career shift and just stick to something.  Although it is much easier for me to get distracted, like I am throughout this post. But then again I may think I’ve found something until I try something new and find out that OMG, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING, but then find something later that I love EVEN MORE.

Basically a cycle of not knowing what I truly want.

May I should I stop thinking about it and let things happen? But you can’t just leave your camel untied and hope it won’t wonder off. You have to do your part and tie the damn camel in place and then go.

You got that metaphor, right? I’m not known for making metaphors. My husband is though. But look, here I am getting distracted again. Maybe that’s a strength I should consider! Like a professional example of what happens when you don’t focus. Hi, my name is Amira and I’m what you would call a “Professional Hobo-Sapien”, what that means exactly, I think, is  a smart human that doesn’t know what she wants to do, but is really GOOD at not knowing …what..she wants..to…do?

You know what else comes to mind? Maybe I really do want to go into medical school, but just needed to be sure by taking this break from it. Maybe I’ll never find something that I’m as determined about and realize “Hey, yeah. Being a physician is for me. I’ve explored my options and am sure of it now.”

Or maybe I’ll think “Hmm, yeah. I’ve explored my options and STILL have no damn clue.”

I guess I just needed the chance to decide for myself instead of letting or thinking that my parents decided for me.

Damn it, I don’t know.

I’m not going to think about this because 99% of the time, the more I think about a major decision the more I hate whatever conclusion I come to. Call me “spiritual” or “crazy” or “full of shit”, but inspirations usually hit me out of nowhere.

I’m going to sort of wait for it and hope it hits me like a bus because I am tired of worrying.