I was greeted with “Hey, what can I do for you Sweety” by Steven* at the nearby deli shop.
Two guys walked in just as I was about to place my order, one larger and hairier than the other. Their attire and odor suggested nothing less of a long, hard workout.
“Hi, can I have Turkey with American cheese, please” I placed my order.
Steven amiably cheered “Turkey with American cheese coming right up!”
Upon hearing hearing Steven’s voice, the two “manly” men abruptly stopped their conversation to stare at each other in disbelieve. Steve, clearly a male, had an unusually high pitched voice. Then these two macho of the machoest men blatantly and rudely laughed at Steven, even going as far as loudly saying “His voice can’t be real!”
Steven pretended not to hear their taunting and continued to do his work through deep red cheeks.
———–
Ancient History was as intriguing as usual today as we discussed Roman civilization. I heard the familiar voice of the inquisitive foreign student who sits behind me ask his question.
“Were the Romans the only civilization that talk Latin at that time?”
The snickers and whispers immediately began to rustle throughout the room.
Someone in the midst of their smirking said “It’s ’spoke’, not ‘talk’…” from across the auditorium.
The professor, in his infinite years of experience, gently reworded the question to answer the student’s inquiry and subtly correct the grammatical error.
"Incognito" by Nasrulekram; Creative Commons
I can’t express how much these sort of thing bothers me. In fact, the incident with Steven happened weeks ago and I still feel bad when I see him at the deli shop. Maybe it’s because he was such a sweet person who didn’t do anything to anyone, yet people have to be assholes for whatever reason.
And today in the History class, when the guy asked his question, I admit I felt a tiny urge to say “spoke” out loud, not necessarily to correct him, but it’s sort of an OCD thing I have. But when the rude snickering began I felt blood rush to my face and embarrassed for the guy. Why make a perceptive student fearful of asking questions because his classmates, who are adults by the way, can’t look past an innocent grammatical mistake. Plus, English isn’t even his first language so cut the guy same slack!
Also: WHY ARE YOU SUCH JERKS!?
I used to be bullied in 5th grade because I wasn’t wearing a bra yet when all of the other girls were. Granted they were the “pre-real-bras”, training bras, I believe they’re called, but still. I wore my undershirt and was just fine with that because my boobs were nothing more than mosquito bites, so there was no need for a bra.
Until that one day Karen Wilson*, the self-proclaimed queen bee of the class, JUST HAD TO make a big deal out of it.
“Why don’t you wear a bra? Don’t you want to be clean?” She asked me loudly in front of the class.
I kid you not, she said CLEAN. Till this day, I still don’t know what argument she was making with wearing a bra and being clean. Triflin’, maybe. But to a non-budding 5th grader, an undershirt is just fine.
Anyway, my 5th grade year’s worth of being taunted by Her Evil Majesty lends me to have loads of empathy for those who still take the bullying, even into their adult years. I can’t help but be extra nice to that person. I guess it can be described as an effort to counteract the rudeness and hurt.
Now that I’m a mother, I worry how I might have to navigate through bullying from a parent’s perspective. And from a momma bear’s perspective. Hopefully by the time Aiman is in school, all kids will be joyful and pleasant to each other. Ppphhhsssttt. My strategy for now is to just take it as it comes because he’s not even a toddler yet. But that can easily mean that tomorrow he’ll be starting school with time flying by as fast as it is.
I hope by the time Aiman may need advice I’ll have enough wisdom to share.
Sad, it is, that some people can’t function without putting others down or make themselves feel worthy without stripping others of their virtues.
I guess there just has to be aggression for there to be kindness.
And evil for there to be love.
"Love you!" by Le Venti Le Cri; Creative Commons
Bob Marley, tell them where the love is!
“Let’s. get. together. and feee-eeel alllriiight”
(-B.Marley;One Love)
Did you or your child have any experiences with bullying? How did you handle the situation?
*names have been changed so don’t even try to Facebook them
I can totally relate to this post. I have a penchant that draws me to cheer for the underdog, or, if not cheer, silently want to hug them while yelling at the bully to shut the eff up.
Like you, I think it comes from awkward situation in the past where I was the underdog on one (or hundreds?) of occasions.
Hey Karla,
Yeah, personal experience, whether you’ve overcome it or not, certainly shapes actions and emotions later in life. At least that’s how it plays out with bullying or really any kind of aggression to me.
And hugging the underdog while telling the bully to stuff it? Yes. Definitely. If it wasn’t for personal boundaries, I would lunge at the opportunity.
I always want to punch the aggressor in the face when something like this happens. I don’t think my years in kickboxing will let walk away peacefully. I’d seriously kick someone’s ass, especially if they’re targeting someone I care about. I wasn’t bullied growing up because I was always the bigger kid, so I think I got off easy.
Hi Nate,
lol, well, i’m glad that you can use your kick ass powers for… good?
and maybe something as simple as your size did give you a lucky break because size does matter. Definitely matters.
Wow, how awful of people. I was bullied for being a vegetarian by my meat loving family. I can understand not greeing with my stance, but I felt really hurt and even betrayed that they picked on me to the extent that they did. I’m still a vegetarian by the way.
I want to hug the underdog too.
I’m sorry that it came from your own family, of all people. And good for you! Glad to hear that you stayed true to yourself =)
Good question about children. I think I worry more about our son because he’s going to start school next year. Although I don’t know if bullying starts as early as kindergarten, it’s something we have to get him prepared for if he come across it.
It is difficult to know how to handle someone else’s child bullying your own because you just want to protect your child with getting into an argument or fight with the other parent. Afterall they’re both kids.
I think parents need to set a good example and it starts at home with the parents themselves.
Ame-eeen!
So much starts at home, soooo sooo much. We like to blame out side factors a lot, but I really believe that if you do your part as a parent in the home then you’re equipping your children for what they may encounter outside.
I forgot to say that I love Bob Marley. But who doesn’t?
So, i’ve already planned it out, because i was bullied too, because I went to a redneck school, my parents always wanted to move to the “white” areas, but every damn person was a redneck. So imma send abdullah to Islamic school because barely anyone will be a specific race, and i know that doesn’t stop the bullying either, so imma teach him mad self defense, like if does a karate chop on that mean 4th grader, i’m pretty sure he’ll never be bothered again, but of course outside of school, we don’t want suspensions. ok, so that’s what plays out in my evil head, but i’d never teach my child violence. so im scared as well about my kids being picked on.
Wow Heena,
lol. hmm, yes. It’s a delicate balance. I want Aiman to resort to a non-confrontational approach first, then if necessary, kick ass.
I don’t want him to be a pansy, but I don’t want him to turn into the bully either.
The hardest part is teaching him when to do what. Give him the confidence and wisdom to respond appropriately. But then again, that comes from his own personal experience.
So, we will see.
I think one way to combat bullying is by always talking and more importantly listening. Listening without judgment definitely comes first. You would want your kid to be open enoughw ith you and not fear backlash from his/her parents to tell you that he/she got bullied in the first place! otherwise if the kid has experienced backlash and criticism from opening up to the parents, the kid may just bottle it up..or tell someone else they trust will not make fun of them or criticize them.
Helping your kid cope with the hurtful feelings and the inner bruising and scars that come with bullying is important in helping them cope with other hurtful things that may occur in the future. Arm them with the confidence to feel good about themselves in the good and the not-so-good inevitable moments of life. So even when a bully tries to put them down, they have their own nonviolent shield inside of them. Instead of putting their fists up, they can laugh at them and stand tall . “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.”
Hey Aideh,
Definitely! I want Aiman (and our future children) to be able to come to us for anything, without hesitation. They must know and understand that there is nothing they could ever do or say that would decrease our love for them, but they shouldn’t take advantage of that either!
I also think there should be a SLIGHT degree of fear. Very little because unconditional love without respect or fear is unrealistic. And I don’t mean “terrify” them, but instill a sense of authority and know that they will be “punished” accordingly.
So Mama loves you, yes, undoubtedly, but cross the line and there will be consequences.
I think that’s understandable. No?