The Fever

Uh oh, I feel it coming back.

I’m talkin’ bout the baby fever. Or really, my baby fever.

Also known as my irrational and unwarranted obsession to have a baby -NOW!

For three years, after my husband and I got married, all I thought about was having a baby. NEED. BABY. NOW sorta thing. I would have amazingly realistic dreams about being pregnant, having a baby, being a mom, etc. I was sobbing over pregnancy test commercials for crying out loud! If that doesn’t scream crazy, I don’t know what the heck does.

So you get the point, right? I felt like I was going to die if I didn’t have one.

Then it happened all on it’s own. It was the biggest shock, although very much welcomed, but still a shock. And now I have my beautiful, amazing, wonderful, ultimate love of a son and I couldn’t be more grateful. I love him so damn much it physically hurts to be away from him for too long.

But something has been happening lately, something I thought would be kept at bay for at least two years. Everywhere I look there’s a pregnant lady or a newborn or a new mom. There’s just always something to remind me of “BABYNESS”and I’m feeling the familiar craze I went through for three years.

Honestly, I feel a little guilty for even thinking about another kid right now because I want to give Aiman his whole infancy, if that makes sense. I want to be able to enjoy his infancy without dividing my attention with a precious, pure newborn. Is that weird?

I’m trying to figure out if it’s the idea of being pregnant that I love or actually adding another life to our family. We’re no where near ready for another in all respects from financial to, hell, even space. We’re cramped and things are, more or less, running smoothly the way they are right now, so to throw in another baby would screw things up, like, A LOT!

Pregnancy, oh pregnancy. I had it really easy and consequently I loved every moment of it. So I don’t know if it’s the excitement associated with growing a new baby in my uterus either.

Ideally I’d like to wait until this time next year or until Aiman is two years old to have another, but I just don’t know if my obsessive tendencies will allow that.