Dammit, I hate being lonely.
I’ve always been socially awkward from time to time, and okay perhaps more times than not, but it’s reached an all time high since motherhood. I blame it on my knack for being stuck in the middle and really, I’m just tired of that crap now.
What do I mean by in the middle? Oh, well let me explain!
Given that most of my “age group” friends are not married, much less have a kid, my closest and dearest friends are a minimum- minimum!-of 10 years older than me. So what, that makes them about early to mid 30′s? Yeah, they have kids and careers and lives. No time for a petty college kid with a need to belong somewhere.
But look! I have a baby too! and we can bond and be BFFS!
Fortunately I can catch a much needed conversation or a good laugh with them every once in a blue moon because like I said, they have lives.
Which is not to say that my own life isn’t busy enough, because I really don’t need the Universe throwing more surprises at me. But busy doesn’t mean not lonely.
I guess I just don’t want to feel so out-of-place most of the time. My sister, Sieda, and I have the same friends, more or less, and she clicks with them. I clash. Loudly.
I try to stay “hip with it” and into the same things, but I can’t fool myself or anyone else for that matter. Essentially I’m a 40 year old in a 22 year old’s body. I’d much rather have coffee and read the newspaper or talk about the new kind of poop my son is squeezing out of his butt nowadays than browse Youtube or care for some virtual farm on Facebook.
My almost obsessive need to find a BFF has gotten worse since I had Aiman. I know that for sure. I honestly felt a sense of pride when initiated into club motherhood, like I was a part of an exclusive club or something ( insert snooty laugh here). Next step was to find someone I could share my experiences with and have play dates and just do all this fun mommy stuff.
I did find a play group, but for reasons I’d rather not go into right now because it’s a whole other post, it didn’t work out. Perhaps the saddest part for me was that I found my night and shinning mommy friend. She was perfect. She was my age, so we already had that going, and our sons were a few weeks apart, so even they could be BFFs! I’m telling you, it was all perfect.
But what’s that thing? That thing ruins the hope in my life? Oh, yeah, my luck.
As my luck would have it, she completely disappeared. I know this woman is still in this city, but I haven’t heard from her in months. I called. I left messages. I was ignored.
Wench! (I don’t mean that towards her, it’s just a default word I say)
We met up for a play date once. Saw her somewhere else another time. And that was it.
You don’t understand how wild my imagination runs with the prospect of having someone I can finally relate to. We’ll go shopping together and leave our sons with their dads! I’ll give her Aiman’s clothes when he outgrows them! We’ll go to each other’s houses and sip coffee with our pinkies in the air as our sons run around! Oh such good times await!!!
She crushed my dreams.
Now I’m back to square one. Stuck with the “hip” and “in the crowd” scene when I’m as old of an old fart as they come.
So I’m posting a wanted ad.
Wanted: Mommy friend. Or any friend I sit around and talk about our kids, the weird noises our fridge makes, bills, or just the usual default conversation point, boobs.
i felt that way when i had my first baby too. it gets better. after you have two you get too busy for friends anyways, so the lonely feeling will sort of go away.
good luck
Thanks Trish!
Yeah, I can only imagine how busy life is with more than one!
like, love, people sometimes stink too
you can always be my friend =)
lol
Thanks I appreciate it
I’m lonely too and I don’t even have my baby yet. *Two more months!!! So excited.
I can be your BFF, we can be old farts together!
two more months?
how exciting!
best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy =]
I hated my play group too
the women were so judge-y and I was the youngest one there. so i didn’t fit in and left them.
but i joined the little gym with my daughter and we’re both having a great time there. maybe you can look into it.
def. worth a try!
I was thinking about trying out the little gym, but currently they are way out of our budget!
maybe in the near future. but you are right! I’ve heard some great things about them too
Wench!
LOL
Let us know know what happens if you run into her!
I love talking about boobs too!
And luck can be such a bitch
although i dont have a kid (my nephews have taught me a great deal about it though) after having graduated and all, i feel like a dinosaur around the “hip” crowd as you put it. the lil sis thinks im antisocial but i really cant understand this whole Facebook “farming” and whatever theyre up to these days. ive got work and school but they really dont keep me busy enough. if u ever wanna hang out u know my digits!
I didn’t know you felt the same way and I will definitely get in touch with you, and you do the same (bc i’ll most likely forget!)
Thanks and i’ll catch you around!
I don’t have time for friends. Seriously, between school, a 1 yr old running around like a madman, housework, and a job, who has time for friends. but i know how u feel too. most of my good friends dont have kids, heck they’re not married either, so it gets kinda weird when i rant about abdullah n they’re like ‘hey, i’ll call u back’, and then u don’t hear back from them. lol
Just wanted to say that I really liked this post.
Thank you Steph =)
Awh I’m sorry you lost your one mommy friend. There will be more!
It means she wasn’t good enough for you- you don’t need her anyway!
lol, yeah, but I was just so excited!
you know while most people are going to say awww amiraa i’ll be your friend…i sure won’t cus you’re just the biggest looser of all times for not even calling. just admit it you like to be chased…unless you just really dont’ want to be my BFF
i know i got no kids…but i did everything with arisa minus breastfeed and give birth. so give me some credit? lol
LOL
well you know Miss I Have No Heart, I could say the same for you. I’m not the one changing my number ever few weeks, so hows about you give ME a call?
I mean, I have a baby, so liiiiike…I have an excuse.
lool. ok fine. u do have the baby excuse.
but kenny and ziggys is where we’re going for our meat galore! sometime next week. will call/msg u. ousswa come too!
Hi. I just read the comment you left on my post on BBC and decided to check out your blog. I really enjoyed this post. I am in sort of the same situation except my friends are my age, have their own kids and husbands, and won’t make the effort to keep in touch. I guess it really is hard to keep in touch with the old high school buddies. I am also hunting for a new mommy friend to talk to while I’m at home all day long taking care of my munchkin. I want someone I can relate to that won’t judge me and will be there when I need them. It isn’t easy to find one but it will happen eventually I just know it! Send me a message if you want. Take it easy!
Jess
as’salamualikum!
So, i know i’m in chicago and we can’t have our “aiman holds ibraheem’s hands and bond’ moment all the time. but, ya Allah CALL ME!
i love you for the sake of Allah! =)