Iron Chef Amira-ca

Yesterday I accomplished a new record for myself; truly a feat not meet by any of my past attempts.

Before I explain what happened you should know that I have a hardcore crush on food. It’s an intense passion and hell, I just love to eat! So when I get hungry I can’t ignore it for too long because food starts calling my name like an evil whisper and I succumb to it’s powers.

Yesterday I realized that I had not eaten all day when the “supper bell” in my head range. I became a monster on the prowl, only there was nothing already prepared. I thought “Crap, I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands.”

Cue the theme music.

I put on my apron (yeah I wear an apron and a seat belt in the backseat -better safe than sorry, or dead ) and imaginary chef’s hat, which I really want by the way.

I turned my face onto “mean look” mode. Arms crossed with large chopping knife in one hand, small butter knife in other….let’s rock n’ roll.

The clock starts and I ripe open the box of Fettuccine Alfredo and quickly get to work. I love to see the flame first ignite on the stove top and it only adds to my excitement as I add the ingredients in exaggerated gestures.

Pasta -check.
Milk – check.
Butter -check.
Sauce mix -check.
Chicken -NEGATIVE! …. We have a negative on the chicken, call for backup NOW! Red flashing lights blind the kitchen signaling that the mission is compromised.

I come across a can of tun and tuna will do just fine.

Tuna -check.

Moving on to the sides I try to find vegetables, but it just wasn’t meant to be so I opted for whatever I could find -which was nothing!

Option two – I find the mix for mashed potatoes so mashed potatoes it is!
Second flame is ignited and the mashed potatoes are a go.

Uh oh. I find a hidden box of Au Gratin which makes my mouth start to salivate (such a cheesy potato-y wonder) and for a split second I reconsider the mashed potatoes, but they’re already cooking. So we’re having two potato sides tonight and since potato is a vegetable so I didn’t break any rules. Third stove top is ignited and ready to be my best friend for cooking the Au Gratin.

The kitchen is over flowing with tantalizing scents of cheese, potatoes (a hol’ lotta potatoes), and Fettuccine with tuna. The pressure is definitely on as I check the clock – holy-moly!-only 9 minutesto dish my entree and sides.

I wipe an imaginary drop of sweat from my forehead and press on as I run about like a mad woman looking for the basil and pepper. Wait. Where’s the salt? I scream “Where the hell is the salt!” before I realize it is in my handy-dandy apron pocket; it’s always there for me when I need it. But there’s no time for politeness with -what?! -5 minutes left!

In an incredible rush of adrenaline and pure hunger I managed to plate the food and even add a chef’s designer touch with a leaf of mint on top. Awh, how nice -no,I’m just trying to score extra point with the judges.

Food is plated and dinner is served!

Now, I’ll have you know that I was unanimously declared winner by the judges (the hubmister and two hungry mouths a.k.a. my sisters). So I walked proudly with cheese and potato oozing out of my mouth and my new reign as Iron Chef Amira.

Bon Appetit.